(PLEASE READ THE PREVIOUS BLOG ENTRY FOR AN EXPLINATION ETC)

ENGLISH COURSEWORK

MONOLOGUE

By Alexandra Scarlett Mullen.

(A teenage girl shuffles onstage. The first thing we notice is her body – it is clear that she is overweight for a girl of her age, although she has made an effort with her appearance. Her hair is painstakingly curled and glossy, embellished with hair clips. It is also apparent that she took a lot of time with her make-up and clothes. Although her shape is vast, her ample belly is covered with an expensive-looking silk smock and she wears loose trousers. She dresses in a way that translates she isn't happy with her body and wants it to be as concealed as possible, as if wishing to give us the illusion she may be skinny underneath the voluminous layers of material. She walks over to a large armchair next to a table piled with magazines in the centre of the stage, panting as she walks as if movement takes a great deal of effort. Once seated, she attempts to catch her breath, her hands on her knees and hanging her head whilst taking deep uneven breaths.)

I saw a lovely pair of jeans yesterday. (She stops short, as if she thinks she has caught her breath, but now needs to regain it. She laughs at herself, feebly.) Sorry. Just a minute. (She breathes in again, slowly.) Dear me. Yes. Jeans. Absolutely lovely, they were. That sort of acid-wash thing that's in at the minute, do you know what I mean? Actually… (As if an idea has just occurred to her, she reaches for a fashion magazine on the table next to her and clumsily flicks through until she finds the right page) These are the ones. TopShop! (She holds up the magazine, and a skeletal model is pictured wearing a pair of acid-wash skinny jeans. She turns the magazine towards herself, staring at the picture wistfully. She titters awkwardly.) Ha-ha…Just look at her! She looks awful… no meat on her bones at all… (She looks down at the picture) I can actually see the hunger in her eyes, (she looks up and smiles as she says this) she's saying, (she adopts a squeaky voice) "Feed me! Feed me! I want a double cheeseburger and a strawberry milkshake!" (She becomes momentarily distracted) I could go for that right now. But not that McDonalds milkshake, they make them all watery. Not enough flavour.

(She puts the magazine down) Anyway, I was in TopShop with mum…. She loves the scarves they do, you see, although nothing else in there really takes her fancy. Not that she wouldn't be able to wear their clothes; she's got legs like little pins! (She demonstrates with her hands) absolutely tiny, too small, like she'll break… and we have arguments about that all
the time (she sighs) I say, "Mum, get some meat on your bones!" but she just munches on little salads and that. It gets on my nerves. And then she always says, "You'd be so pretty if you didn't eat so much, if you went on a diet…" like I'd want to be like her!! (Her voice rises towards the end of this sentence. She breathes out heavily.) We were in the jeans section. A wonderful display, you know, jeans all stuck in different positions with wire or something. It looks so clever… and I saw the acid wash jeans, and I showed mum. (Pause) "Look," I said, "Like the ones in my magazine." She just nodded all smug with herself; she gets this look like she's smelled something bad. "Yes," she went, "But do they have them in your size?" Well, I felt through the pile but the biggest I could find was a 14. And I'm not a 14… (A tiny, self-deprecating snort escapes her.) Yeah. So, mum grabs them from me, rude, and puts them against my legs. "Oh, they might fit," she goes, and I know she's trying to make me feel bad. "Just try them on, love; the fitting rooms are over there." I got annoyed then. (Frustrated) I'm not a 14!

One of them snooty shop assistant types saw us arguing, and she was wearing the jeans, (she laughs) ha-ha. Is that what they call irony? Anyway she came over in her high heels, clomping away, and said "Is there a problem? Anything I can help with?" My mum just rolls her eyes. "My daughter wants to try on these jeans," which is just stupid. Seeing as, you know, that was exactly what I didn't want to do… the reason we were arguing, in fact. The assistant made her eyes go big, confused, and she had on this glittery eye shadow... I'd like something a bit like that. She went, "the fitting rooms are over there" - which I already know, thank you - only mum goes, "Well, I suppose they're not quite her size."

Well, I went red then. I flapped about, "Oh it's fine, forget it!" Only she's got other ideas, this "Alyssa", her name tag says. "There are probably some larger sizes in the stock room." And off she trots. I just couldn't be bothered with it, it was all so embarrassing. I went, "mum, can we just go?" but she was having none of it! "You need new jeans." Oh God. (She rubs her forehead) I knew we were making a bit of a scene… and then I saw a couple of girls from my class. (She winces, recalling the moment) Eurgh. They laughed at me… in that way they have where only I can notice that they are. I just stormed out of there.

It should be easy, you know? (Her voice sounds shaky, as if she might cry.) It should be easy!!! (She stands up) to buy a pair of jeans! (She becomes louder, more desperate) Girls my age can do it ALL THE TIME without all this fuss!! Sometimes I wish… (She sighs) It sounds funny but I wish I could escape from myself, do you know what I mean?? (She whimpers) just escape from my stupid body, it holds me back! (She sighs, turns around and sits down.)

I'm all out of breath now.