where is my mind?

holy shit, it's happened.
my belly is churning with so much excitement and apprehension it's hard to verbalise the vibrations in my brain right now, my fingers are fizzing and you think i'm going to tell you something astounding.

for me, this IS astounding.
i've got the twinge.

I'VE GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not the twinge that DJ experiences in don juan in soho when he craves a hard fast shag with a mildly attractive woman. not that sort of twinge, oh no, i haven't had this twinge since summertime, and i didn't think it would ever flutter back to me, even with 101 subscribers i still didn't feel motivated.

and now
i want to start making videos again.
I WANT TO. I HAVE IDEAS. I HAVE THAT BUZZING FEELING IN MY THROAT WHERE I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY CAMERA BATTERY TO CHARGE. I HAVE NO LIFE. HOORAY!!!

of course, this will be a slow and gradual proccess. i started piecing something together this evening when i really honestly desperately needed to be working on my film studies essay which is due in on wednesday (!!!) and at the moment it's a big puddle of motions and sounds and thumbnails but i'm going to build it up. i have no idea what it's going to be yet but i'll store it in a happy plastic container from the chinese takeaway in my fridge and hope my mother doesn't gobble it with her lethargic morning mouth.

holy holy fuck, it is only video-making.
it won't go anywhere.
i'm not very good at it.
but it's happening.