plot holes in ashputel?

well for a start it's highly probable that there is somebody else with ashputel's shoe size in the kingdom.

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS.
the man with the vodka bottle? the one i had sentimental thoughts about? the one with the heavy tongue?

HE SPOKE TO ME AGAIN.
i was alone,
waiting for my dad to pick me up,
on a bench,
sitting on my rolled up cardigen like a fat cushion bouncing up and down to keep me semi-warm, and tasting the cold.
up he came.
his trench coat swallowing him up again, i always remember how huge it is, but beige and suprisingly clean so from a distance he does look like a tired businessman.
maybe that's his hook. his gimmick.
The Drunken Businessman.

"excuse me love,
excuse me,
are there any.. any baaa.."

fucking hell. it really is him. such a big nose, i didn't notice before, massive brown eyes and is that hairgel? grease?

"any ba what? bags?"

he tuts at himself. forgetting to finish your words again, you silly twat. ho ho ho, jane will have a laugh about this. he comes over and sits next to me. oh god.
"no, not bags, BANKS."
"oh banks! urrrmm.." OH MY GOD THE VODKA MAN IS SAT NEXT TO ME WHAT IS A BANK AGAIN ARE THERE ANY AROUND HERE LIKE OH MY GOD HES RIGHT THERE HE'S SAT RIGHT THERE HE IS ACTUALLY THERE THAT'S HIM. "urrrmmm.." HE SMELLS OF IT, I CAN SMELL IT ON HIM, IT'S REALLY HIM AND HE'S SAT THERE AND I CAN SMELL HIM HE'S JUST SAT RIGHT THERE, LIKE RIGHT THERE "urrrmm.. urrrm.... urm OH yeah, i think there is one about ten minutes that way" way, way over there.. i point towards the highstreet.
"ten minutes?? TEN minutes..are you.. are you.."
are any of us? are any of us, REALLY? please don't make me think deeply as a direct result of our encounters, Drunken Businessman. it's already happened once. "are you..are you.. are you waiting..waiting for someone..to.." he gestures vaguely. pick me up? slap me? love me? hug me? hand me a life of fame and fortune on a platter? what DBM what?
after his useless gesticulating fails him, i assume he means "pick you up".
"yes, yes i am. my dad."
are parents threatening now? or is that boyfriends? or bodyguards.
"ohh look look,"
blink blink sigh.
"i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable,"
up he gets.
"i'm not from round here...i moved...from the village.."
what fucking village, you alcoholic tycoon?
"i moved from the village and i need..need a bank.."
my teeth are gone.
they really have dissapeared. where are they?
it's very difficult to look accepting when you can't find your teeth.
"don't worry about it, it's fine."
i bet i look like a right smarmy bitch. a toothless one, at that.

he hobbles away slightly, then turns.
"if you ever need anything...don't hesitate to ask..."
"right. thankyou." i'll just dial your fax number shall i?
"you know what i mean don't you?"

fucking hell.
WHAT DOES HE MEAN?