attractive headgear dominates my life.

oh my wow wow wow.
it is so absoloutely amazingly chilly weather!!
on the way home from the train station walking like an old man with no shoes and my sleeves are too big and the wind's giving me goosebumps and it's wonderful.

and i have a magical new hat.
red.
a magical red hat. and i'm going to wear it. outside. and in.

4 exact whole days until The Maths Exam.
i realised that most people who keep these blogs are aiming for something, or working towards something, or pushing against something.. a lot of the time it's to record their progress, i think.
i think, anyway.

i'm working towards not failing maths, and i can't help but feel amazingly unmotivated. why are you re-taking it? to get into university. why do you want to go to university?

and i don't know.
and i'm thinking.
and i'm thinking it's because i don't want to miss out.
and i'm thinking, i should stop doing things purely because i don't want to miss out.

and i'm thinking about university. and i'm thinking campus dorm rooms people with folders and coffee cups and auditoriums with podiums and lecturers with beards and i'm thinking why.

i want to be a writer. why do i need to go to university?
and i don't. not really. except the vast majority of the world claim it's something that you absoloutely have to do in order to find yourself and jon richardson said, "i went to uni and found out i'm a twat."
and maybe i'm a twat.

why is that the place where people say you find yourself? is it because you're away and coping alone and cupboards stacked with cans of baked beans dominate your evening meal and "oh god those ruddy students" and smoking outside book shops and brown and beige and white.
that's what i think of. hats and jackets with hoods and pointy shoes and so many things and why do i want to be in this category?

20% off in HMV? 2 pizzas for the price of 1? an ugly I.D card i can flash at bus drivers like an undercover cop and select a seat next to the window, and later an old woman will wedge her pull-along tartan trolly in the seat beside me while she stands up and holds tightly onto the bar above my head and why doesn't she just sit down?

when you're trying not to think about integers.
when you're trying not to think about integers.
when you're trying not to think about integers.